All two strokes, including scooters, to be banned from 1st of January 2017
 

Following on from a recent directive from the EU commission, that all two stroke motorcycles and scooters were being phased out due to their emissions and fuel economy.
Many motorcycle and scooter developers have already phased out their 2 stroke engine in favour of the modern built 4 stroke and have spent many thousands of pounds developing these to attain the right readings etc.

However, what was never stated until recently was what would happen to the many classic Motorcycles and scooters that are already owned and maintained by enthusiasts. Initially it was said by the EU that they would not be affected and owners can continue to run them until they finally are unable to rebuild them or keep them running. This was thought to be a solution to allow natural phase out of this type of engine, as stock parts would be limited as the years progressed.

However it seems that the ingenuity of owners of these machines, means that this would actually take longer than was originally thought. Many owners are competent mechanics and engineers and those that aren’t, know someone who is and who can help. This has made the EU commision realise that they need to bring in a new directive to stop this happening, and have had lengthy meetings with Chris Grayling, Theresa May’s current Secretary of state for Transport.

Mr Grayling is on record as saying ” These prehistoric motors are causing issues with pollution and damaging wildlife’s habitat. We recently bought in a tax to stop pollution within london, and it’s now time that we looked at reducing this further by banning these machines completely. Therefore from 1st January 2017, all 2 stroke motorcycles and scooters will be banned from the British and European roads, and all owners of two stroke vehicles will be contacted and asked to scrap their vehicle with immediate effect”

Our reporter spoke to an owner who wished to remain nameless, but who is a member of a scooter riders association and refers to himself as a Garagista.
He said “Once again we have to face another fight to keep our pride and joys alive and on the road. This won’t happen as long as we can fight this like we did with the greasers in the 1960’s, and the Casuals in the 1980’s. If the EU wants a fight, tell them Brighton seafront 1st January 2017, and to bring their mates”

The EU commission were unavailable for a direct quote when we put this to them, but have since released a statement regarding the 1st of January offer. It says ” The EU does not, and will not resort to fist fighting on a beach in southern England on the 1 st of any month, let alone January when the temperatures are at a low. Besides we very much doubt that the owners of these machines would turn up, due to their love of alcohol and a party on the 31st of December every year”

A spokesman for the Skinhead subculture says ” Although we have had an on off relationship with Mods over the years, many Skinheads do infact ride vintage scooters to events all over Britain on most summer weekends. Some even using them on a daily bases. They are a great way to escape the wife, and keep fit, as they are generally pushed for half of their daily journey, we dont think the Mods are hard enough to handle any EU row, without us, so if you can pass this message on to the EU, that a united British firm will be waiting, the first weekend of June, Brighton beach. The sun may have set on the empire, but the spirit remains in the few, United we stand” 

UKIP EU MEP Nigel Farage has stepped in and agreed to look into this matter, stating ” This won’t happen on my watch. This is a British way of life that has been around for 50 years, and the revenue that these riders bring to coastal resorts throughout the summer far outways the damage a few minor scuffles between Mods and Rockers may cause, leave this with me”